i dunno yet

Every kiss she implanted on my 5 year old body, taught me so much
Every touch, every slap, every suffocating pillow
Every cry my mother caused me to shed, taught me so much
Every man she slept with, every blunt she smoked, every absent night
Days got a little colder, but my future, got a little more bright
Woman have pained me, their fingers did nothing in their youth besides give me nightmares, and she forced me to shove mine in her warmth, instead of lovingly giving it to me. She raped me of my manhood.
She raped me of love. Leaving a skewed perspective on what to hold dear in life
Not a love unfathomable blessed by god and a loving wife
She taught me sex, and pain, and tears and my mother and father taught me drugs
My life was destined to be hidden in the dark shadows of hell
But the devils yellow teeth, needed colgate and I gladly brushed them
Stoking his cavities and prying out the flesh of other little boys between his teeth, his giant mouth amazed me.
When he yawned, the heat of his pain grazed my neck. And his 4 o clock tea was accompanied by the fruit of eve. And he gladly shared a bite with me. I grew tired of these events.
And when she forcefully sucked my……I wish I was old enough to ejaculate to drown her in my pain
And mix this in with cocaine and bruises. I was lost
I became promiscuous, scared of my own power, I lost it in them
I made them pay for every act and betray, for every tear they left me, for every time I was forced to gurgle on the blood of the devils tea, romanticizing about the day when eve would lay down her fruit and love me
These woman are powerful.
But have I not experienced this. I would beat them. I would cheat them.
Have I not found poetry, and realized that poetry is a woman
I found sense in her words, more sense then I could ever find in her sisters thighs.
She stimulated me with her mind, she didn’t slap me, she didn’t suffocate me, she loved me
More then I ever loved myself.
And this has forced me to believe that god is a female
Cause through her clouds she seems to just shower me with pain, but she is gracious and godly enough to make it up. every time I pray, she bestows on me her touch. Her love, her warmth. She floods me with tears just like she flooded noah, I feel gracious to be in such holy company.
If all things woman have impacted me, I know there is that one woman for me
So I don’t beat them, I don’t cheat them, I don’t hate myself, I was lucky enough to dig deep and discover me before the devil did, lucky enough to not get lost in the battle of manhood and pride and ego, and to unleash my pain and let my feelings show.
I am glad she forced my fingers in her warmth, cause it has stayed on stained and remained on my finger tips, so I anything I touch, I leave the smell of her, and I bask in the ambience
Im learning to love, and no matter how much she has pained me, she is now showing me thee way
So believe when I tell you, believe when I say
These woman, are powerful
No matter how much evil they may show, their halos seem to always glow
They are god, they are mothers, they are poetry, they are flowers gentled by the dirt us men have dug upon them.
But I choose to water instead of kill
And I thank her for showing me show much

Leave Their Caskets Open

We cant say hey baby to their woman. But they can rape ours
We cant say hey baby to their woman. But they can rape ours
Cause that’s exactly what happened in Money, Mississippi
At the age of 14 Emmit Tilll, was murdered by middle age white man for whistling at their woman
Never mind the only reason why this young black predecessor of slavery is in this country is because of them
Because his grandmother got raped by their grandfathers, so you tell me, was it fair for young Emitt Till to be slaughtered
Im glad mama left the casket open, I can still see the little boys disfigured face, and it looks a lot like mine

Oakland California, Oscar Grant is shot in the back by police man at a subway station
Lying their on the ground, this police brutality has become the modern day lynching
And our justice system turns their rosey white cheeks, never ask the victim to speak, equit these former masters of slavery.
This whole conspiracy ish, now doesn’t seem so crazy

They know damn well what their doing when they shoot Sean Bell 50 times
Every bullet piercing his body inserts new sensations of hate, pushed in with the liquid of 18th century atlantic waters that brought slave ships here
Every bullet left his wife standing alone at the alter, next to emitt tills open casket
I couldn’t imagine the poor black widows pain, I couldn’t grasp it
Wedding bells ringing to the tune of hearse horn with one pull of a trigger
Every shot, the pain gets bigger, leaving Malcolm and Martin turning in their grave
I want justice

I want liberty bills ringing to the tune of tupac lyrics, Malcolm x speeches and martin luther dreams
Not gun clips exploding into the night sky
Sparks igniting flames that burned Mississippi
Naturally boiled southern hate oozing out the trigger mans finger tips, like chitlins spilling from spoons on a hot Georgia day
Emitt Till, Oscar Grant, Sean Bell, for the mother left in Chicago, the fatherless child left in Oakland, and the widow in New York, I pray
They have all secured a spot in my soul that has survived jim crow, where they will stay

Cell phone cameras caught the hanis act, but videos doesn’t mean anything these days if your black
The only videos they need to see, are the ones that play continuously on bet
Not Rodney king
So they assume we are ignorant petty fools, shooting us, on subway trains that little boys ride to school

Murdering our sorrow, ruining tomorrow, casting dark clouds in are already dark sky
We live in a different world
But somehow their bullets seem to still enter

I cry for these three men, and my tears stream faster then when their lives were took
I will never look at white woman the same, I will never look at bart trains the same, I will never look at bachelor parties the same
From these three things, I swear to refrain, I simply don’t want to die
So I close my left eye, and with my right I see the bloody truth, these men need to stop killing our youth
I want justice
R.I.P
Black Men
I love you
You are me