i dunno yet

Every kiss she implanted on my 5 year old body, taught me so much
Every touch, every slap, every suffocating pillow
Every cry my mother caused me to shed, taught me so much
Every man she slept with, every blunt she smoked, every absent night
Days got a little colder, but my future, got a little more bright
Woman have pained me, their fingers did nothing in their youth besides give me nightmares, and she forced me to shove mine in her warmth, instead of lovingly giving it to me. She raped me of my manhood.
She raped me of love. Leaving a skewed perspective on what to hold dear in life
Not a love unfathomable blessed by god and a loving wife
She taught me sex, and pain, and tears and my mother and father taught me drugs
My life was destined to be hidden in the dark shadows of hell
But the devils yellow teeth, needed colgate and I gladly brushed them
Stoking his cavities and prying out the flesh of other little boys between his teeth, his giant mouth amazed me.
When he yawned, the heat of his pain grazed my neck. And his 4 o clock tea was accompanied by the fruit of eve. And he gladly shared a bite with me. I grew tired of these events.
And when she forcefully sucked my……I wish I was old enough to ejaculate to drown her in my pain
And mix this in with cocaine and bruises. I was lost
I became promiscuous, scared of my own power, I lost it in them
I made them pay for every act and betray, for every tear they left me, for every time I was forced to gurgle on the blood of the devils tea, romanticizing about the day when eve would lay down her fruit and love me
These woman are powerful.
But have I not experienced this. I would beat them. I would cheat them.
Have I not found poetry, and realized that poetry is a woman
I found sense in her words, more sense then I could ever find in her sisters thighs.
She stimulated me with her mind, she didn’t slap me, she didn’t suffocate me, she loved me
More then I ever loved myself.
And this has forced me to believe that god is a female
Cause through her clouds she seems to just shower me with pain, but she is gracious and godly enough to make it up. every time I pray, she bestows on me her touch. Her love, her warmth. She floods me with tears just like she flooded noah, I feel gracious to be in such holy company.
If all things woman have impacted me, I know there is that one woman for me
So I don’t beat them, I don’t cheat them, I don’t hate myself, I was lucky enough to dig deep and discover me before the devil did, lucky enough to not get lost in the battle of manhood and pride and ego, and to unleash my pain and let my feelings show.
I am glad she forced my fingers in her warmth, cause it has stayed on stained and remained on my finger tips, so I anything I touch, I leave the smell of her, and I bask in the ambience
Im learning to love, and no matter how much she has pained me, she is now showing me thee way
So believe when I tell you, believe when I say
These woman, are powerful
No matter how much evil they may show, their halos seem to always glow
They are god, they are mothers, they are poetry, they are flowers gentled by the dirt us men have dug upon them.
But I choose to water instead of kill
And I thank her for showing me show much